Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night

“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.”

I am tired. I am tired of being tired, tired of laying around the house, and I am most certainly sick and tired of dying. So its the new year, huh? This is where most bloggers would make there resolutions. Well…this is what I think about new years resolutions.

I was watching The Chew a few days back, at least that’s where I think I heard it from, and someone gave me a great idea. Instead of making new years resolutions I should make a “project 2012.”  If all goes well then this will be the start of Project “I’m not dead yet!”

“Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.”

So what am I going to do? Well before we get into that lets talk about how I am going to actually stick with it. Thankfully, since I am to think of this like a project I can use all of my lovely project management experience to help lay it out. Now any project manager knows we can’t do everything all at once. No, we have to set milestones.  So each and every thing I want to accomplish will have a due date.

For example, I want to stop drinking store bought soda this coming year. Now any of you that have tried to stop drinking soda knows it is very difficult to do so. Its not just the caffeine withdrawal you have to worry about but also the sugar addiction. So I will try to stop drinking soda entirely by April. That gives me four months to drink less and less and get use to not having it. I like this idea much better then cold turkey. I know how hard cold turkey can be. I usually give up soda every year for Lent, even though I don’t really observe it.

Why am I doing all of this? Isn’t it all a bit extreme? I thought this was a food blog?

Well this is a food blog, but its more then that. Its me. More aptly, this blog is my hope. My hope for my future. My hope for a better life. I know that sounds silly, its just a blog after all. But I have few things left in this world. This disease has taken from me. and it continues to take from me. My job, my happiness, and now my health. So this is me, planing to take it all back, one fleeting day at a time. This is also a call to arms to my fellow dialysis brothers and sisters. Your not dead yet! But if you lay there, like I do, and do nothing, well then, maybe you are. This is a quote from a childrens movie but the meaning is still true…

“…Life’s not a spectator sport. If watchin’ is all you’re gonna do, then you’re gonna watch your life go by without ya.” – Laverne, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

So join me. Make your own goals, not resolutions! Take back your life! Maybe your waiting for a transplant, maybe your not so you have given up hope, but don’t give up on life! You only have one, you don’t have to let the disease, the sadness, the depression take root in you. We can do this. But not alone, I could never do this alone. The very thought of that is soul crushing. So find a partner, join a community, tell them WHY you are doing what you are doing.

Join me in this, take a small step with me, and together we can gain back some of what it has taken from us.

“Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

What do I want to get out of all this? I want to feel healthier. I want my depression to lessen. I want my lab results to stay within normal ranges every month. I want to get up and not be on my butt all day. I don’t want to sit around and wait for death, I want to get up and go find life. I want to reconnect with my wife as my illness has started to drive a wedge between us because I let it.

The Goals:

  1. Stop drinking store bought soda by April.
  2. Stop consuming dairy products of any kind (except the occasional cheese at a get together) by February.
  3. Take my blood pressure twice a day on non-dialysis days by February.
  4.  Come up with a system to make sure I always take my phosphorous binders with every meal by February.
  5. Come up with a system to make sure that I am not going over my liquid restriction by March.
  6. Start exercising five minutes a day the first week of January, ten minutes the second week, and so on until I reach thirty minutes a day.
  7. Go outside once a day by March is weather allows.
  8. Start making a weekly meal plan and stick with it by April.
  9. Make one new recipe for the blog once a week by March.
  10. Write my wife a love note once a week by March.
  11. Find ways to spend more time with my wife by March.

I think eleven goals is moooore then plenty. Well its less then a half an hour till midnight. Here we go once more into the breach….

“And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

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7 Responses to “Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night”

  1. Anonymous says:

    <3 love this!

  2. drgirlfriend says:

    Sounds like a serious plan. I admire that. I, as a caregiver, have neglected my health over the last year and have some small understanding of being sick & tired of being sick & tired. My only observation of your plan is that all your goals are for the first few months of the year. Perhaps spreading them out a bit would be less stressful.

  3. Rain says:

    I love this. I do something similar that i set goals that Iwant to accomplish that year. For example I want to to travel to vancouver or go dog sleding. Even though I’m on dialysis and I fairly healthy, I need to remind myself that i am and get out there and enjoy life. keep up the good work. You should track your progress every month on the blog, to keep you motivated to stick with it.
    By the way I added your blog to the resources on my page.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I think that what you’re doing is courageous. Not only are you finding ways to stay alive you are finding ways to stay in love with your wife. She’s a very lucky lady. You know, the definition of “soul mate” actually defines having found the part of your soul that was painfully, ripped from you by outside forces, and that reconnecting with that part of yourself is a painful exercise in patience even though it’s supposed to be worth it in the end. My hope for you and your wife is that you stick to the process and never give up.

  5. Hey Chris,

    Stumbled upon your blog. Just wanted to see how Project 2012 is coming along? Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Setting goals and timelines has always worked well for me in my life. I’m not much of a new years resolution guy i like to set goals all year round.

    In any case I hope you are doing well.

    • Thanks for taking the time to say hello. I am going to type up a “report card” about how I am doing in a few minutes. Sorry it took so long to reply. I have been very ill lately and that will be explained in the post as well.

      Keep being Awesome!,

  6. […] a New Year again and as you may remember last year I made a list of goals. Today I am going to review this list and see how I did. I am also going to take a […]

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